Have you got a gnawing feeling that your relationship will be in deep water if you don’t do something different soon?
In this episode Carl addresses a common challenge that entrepreneurial dads face — feeling disconnected from their wives due to the strains of building a business.He discusses strategies for rebuilding trust with your wife and creating an environment where she feels safe and secure.
Carl shares insights from a situation encountered by a member of his King’s Council program for Dadpreneurs. He identifies it as an of optimistic Dadpreneurs to make overblown promises about the business delivering financial success in the near future.
The biological differences between how men and women process decisions and hormonal cycles are cited as reasons why wives may get burnt out faster from excessive life responsibilities piling up. Carl stresses that communication, re-prioritizing actions over optimistic words, and restoring trust are the keys to getting the relationship back on track.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL DISCOVER…
- The greatest challenge of being a Dadpreneur (00:06)
- One of the biggest mistakes Dadpreneuers do and how it affects their spouses (01:43)
- The biological and hormonal differences between men and women (04:32)
- Where you can find support (05:35)
QUOTES
- “As entrepreneurial people we’re generally fairly optimistic. And when we’re optimistic, it’s easy to get excited, and paint the picture of a perfect future, a great future that’s coming. The challenge is that usually, those futures that we’re excited for either come a lot slower, or maybe they never come at all.” – Carl Taylor
- “Even if she understands the realistic nature of business, she can’t help but have these underlying emotions come up, because she’s looking for that safety and security.” – Carl Taylor
- “The words that we use have a very strong weight in the women in our lives’ minds … The woman hears that as a promise. And when there is a long period of time of it not happening … you have broken a promise and trust has been eroded.” – Carl Taylor
WHERE YOU CAN FIND CARL TAYLOR
Automation Agency
CarlTaylor.com.au
LinkedIn
Facebook
Twitter
TRANSCRIPTION
I just want my wife back.
Hey, you’re listening to a Dadpreneur.
And in today’s episode, we’re going to talk about the challenges that can happen in relationship, especially when you’re a busy dadpreneur, trying to build a business, and you got a wife, who maybe doesn’t love how your business is going, maybe financially, it’s not going great or she’s struggling at home and asking for some more support. Maybe you don’t even know where she’s asking for it.
So let me set a little bit of context here. This conversation is inspired from a conversation from inside the King’s Council. It’s a program that I offer through the Dadpreneur. If you want to learn more about that, you can go to dadpreneur.com. Basically, we work with a whole bunch of men who are dads in business, helping them balance business, relationships, health, wealth, and really just being a man in today’s society. This particular situation, one of our members said, I just want my wife back. And in particular, what was going on for him is, business hadn’t been great recently. And for a while, he’d been, you know, trying to turn things around and start up something new, right? He was, he kind of had a very successful business in one area. And he was trying to build something else new, not too dissimilar to me, I’ve got Automation Agency, been very successful. And I’ve got this new Dadpreneur thing, which is still fairly new. If I didn’t have Automation Agency, Dadpreneur would be a real financial drain to me. Because it’s just, it’s still so new, and we’re still getting things sorted to work. But that aside, let me come back to the point I’m making. I would say there’s a high chance you’ve made this mistake. And I’ve made this mistake, too. And this member was making it too. As entrepreneurial people we’re generally fairly optimistic. And when we’re optimistic, it’s easy to get excited, and paint the picture of a perfect future, a great future that’s coming. The challenge is that usually those futures that we’re excited for either come a lot slower, or maybe they never come at all. But we go home to our spouses, our wives, our women, our family. And we tell them this excited future, like when they’re scared and worried we go, don’t worry, this is what’s going to happen, it’s going to be great. And what we don’t realise as men, often we don’t realise as men, some men do know this. The words that we use have a very strong weight in the women in our lives’ minds. And even when you say hey, this is what’s gonna happen, it’s gonna be great. And you know, in your mind, there’s an element of it what might not happen, because we’re talking about the future. The woman hears that as a promise. And when there is a long period of time of it not happening, or you don’t get there, whether she’s aware of it or not, on an unconscious level, you have broken a promise and trust has been eroded. And this is often what happens over a long period of time in a relationship when maybe the business has not been going so well. And the woman is listening, and has been supporting, maybe she’s even been the financial provider. So she’s been the provider because the business has not been providing. And she’s kind of waiting for it to turn around. There’s been promises, it’s going to turn around, it’s going to turn around, and it hasn’t come and hasn’t come. And so she’s underlying the feeling, the erosion of trust, how can I trust you, one you’re not providing financially and two, you’ve been saying it’s gonna turn around, it hasn’t turned around. Even if she understands the realistic nature of business, she can’t help but have these underlying emotions come up, because she’s looking for that safety and security. There’s a high chance that she’s saying things like, I’ve got decision fatigue, I’m overwhelmed, there’s just so much to do. And so you might be having these little fights that don’t, it’s the little fights aren’t what it’s about. Underlyingly, it’s feeling not cared for, provided for, and not supported. So I don’t know your personal situation. If you want to chat about your personal situation, you can reach out dadpreneur.com Happy to have a chat about what’s going on, see if we can help you out. But here’s the general overview. If you’ll have a woman and you ever hear her say I’ve just got decision fatigue, that is a red flag right there, that is warning bells. And that means that you need to step up as a man, she’s got too much mental load going on. And it means you have not been, you might be so busy in business, you have not been picking up the slack and providing support on the homefront or in other areas of her life that she needs it. Women are amazing creatures. They have the ability, they are capable of almost anything a man can do. Right? They are capable of it. But here’s the catch, while they are capable of it, they are not built in the same way, biologically, hormonally, in the same way that a man is as a man. We run on a 24 hour cycle right? Our testosterone peaks in the morning and then it comes down. Whereas women, they work on a different cycle right. They’ve got their period. It goes over a far longer period of time. They don’t operate hormonally and physically in the same way that we do as men. And so similarly, while they’re capable of it, men are able to take this decision about ability to another level than many women. Women are amazing decision makers. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s draining. It’s draining in a way that it’s not draining for us as men or in the same way, right? We as men can get drained. I can get drained from decision fatigue, absolutely. But it happens to me a lot later than it will my woman. So if you have heard anything similar from your lady in your life, look for the opportunities for you to step up and go, How can you take things off her plate? How can you make some decisions? How can you step up to be the leader and go, I got this, you don’t have to worry about it. I got it. I’ve solved it. How can you proactively take that opportunity to get, to take things off your plate? And also while we’re at it, look for the opportunities where you have made promises that you didn’t keep. You may not even realise you made a promise. But where are those broken promises and start keeping them to start rebuilding some trust. All right, I’m gonna leave it there. Until next time, keep up the journey.