Do you struggle to create lasting, fulfilling relationships? Do you find yourself falling into the same negative patterns, unable to break free? Our adult relationships are profoundly shaped by our childhood experiences and attachment style.
In this episode of Entrepreneurs Rising, Fabien Pataud shares his journey of discovering his own attachment style and pathways to heal insecure relating. He candidly discusses his challenging childhood environment and how it influenced his attachment style.
As Fabien became a father himself, he saw his unhealthy patterns emerging and knew he had to break the generational cycle of trauma. He explains how integrating shadow aspects and understanding his attachment style was key to conscious relating and authentic living.
Ready to uncover your attachment style and heal insecure relating? Tune into this powerful conversation and emerge with greater self-awareness, embodiment and conscious relating skills. It’s time to break free of past relational trauma and step into deeply fulfilling relationships.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL DISCOVER…
- Fabien’s background and journey to his current work (02:36)
- The impact of fatherhood on his life and business (06:34)
- What are attachment styles and how do they develop (11:02)
- Strategies for dealing with your attachment styles (26:09)
- The importance and dangers of reflecting on internal struggles in entrepreneurship (35:05)
- The power of repairing relationships and integrity (39:12)
- The difference between having intention-based goals and trying to meet needs (45:16)
- Shifting identity from operator to owner mindset (47:00)
QUOTES
“The strategies that we have to navigate life are all designed around safety.” -Fabien Pataud
“The attachment theory is just the way in which we kind of relate to the world and how we show up.” -Fabien Pataud
“We can’t think our way out of a feeling problem.” -Fabien Pataud
“Reflecting on the journey, what helped me build the success of Automation Agency was putting in boundaries and stepping away.” -Carl Taylor
“For many entrepreneurs to get to a certain level of success, revenue, and team size is very easy. And they’re likely to create problems because they’re craving the chaos of their early childhood environment.” -Carl Taylor
Get In Touch With Fabien Pataud
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fabien_pataud/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fabien.pataud
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/fabienpataud/
- Podcast – Functionally Addicted Show – https://open.spotify.com/show/4ujl3AoBXydKJUsJnz7XBn?si=a711c960139b4d32
- Youtube: https://youtu.be/6yGX5qusMcY
- Free Facebook Group – The Regulated Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/359215416197445
- Want to Master Your Inner Game of Real Estate – Looking for More Energy, More Focus & More Flow? Let’s Connect!: https://calendly.com/purposefullyaligned
WHERE YOU CAN FIND CARL TAYLOR
Automation Agency
CarlTaylor.com.au
LinkedIn
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Twitter
TRANSCRIPTION
Fabien Pataud 00:00
As entrepreneurs and humans in general, what I realize now and I didn’t realize before is that the strategies that we have to navigate life are all designed around safety. That’s usually how our brain has been designed as we’re not constructed for thriving or success are actually designed for survival. And that’s because of the prehistoric years. And so there’s a reason why we do what we do. And for a lot of times, like yourself, Carl, and myself, it’s being in our head is safety. That’s what it means, because we’re not used to being in our body. And so you know, attachment theory, nervous system regulation, polyvagal theory, which is in terms of probably talk to are all things that are just occurring, that our nervous system. And so very quickly, I’ll give you an example of kind of what it can look like from an attachment theory perspective.
Carl Taylor 01:01
Hey, everyone, and welcome to entrepreneurs rising. I’m your host, Carl Taylor. And today, we have an interview episode. It’s with Fabian Pato. And I’ve known Fabian for a long time, I couldn’t tell you the exact amount of time that I have known him, but I’ve known him in various different spheres. And in more recent times, he’s been posting a lot of content about attachment styles. And that’s something that you know, I’m quite big in I haven’t really shared much about it on this podcast. But the whole concept of attachment is a really important part of healthy relationships, both in business and out of business. And that’s why I wanted to get Fabian on the show. So let me tell you a little bit about him. And then he can say, hey, and we’ll get straight into this app. So Fabian helps busy professionals, high performers, business owners to reset their lives and overcome self sabotage, anxiety, emotional triggers, by working on that most important relationship in their lives, which is the relationship with yourself, that always starts with ourselves. So I love that he also has his own podcast. So you’re listening to this on a podcast platform and you’d like podcasts, you can check out functionally addicted podcasts, we also will have a link in the show notes to his link tree where you can go and find all the goodies he’s got and different things. And Facebook and Instagram, he said, our is probably best social platforms. And we’ll make sure there’s links to those in the show notes as well. So if you need any of that, so Fabian, dude, good to have you on the show.
Fabien Pataud 02:26
Thanks, buddy. great being here, man.
Carl Taylor 02:28
Yeah, maybe start us off with how did you end up in this work? Like, how did we come here? Because I’m guessing there’s a bit of a personal journey, probably.
Fabien Pataud 02:36
Yeah, man. So I was reflecting on when we actually met each other. It was about seven years ago, when I embarked on my journey and trying hard to become a, you know, a successful coach after leaving the real estate career, which I got burnt out from, and then I end up joining talkies work. And that’s where we met. And we actually work together as well, when I was inside of your automation agency, which was epic, super valuable for me for where I was at at the time as well. But yes, I mean, getting into like, you know, the attachment theory, really, you know, that kind of bio that you introduced me, and I reflect on it. It’s like, you know, helping people with the most important relationship, which is themselves. But there’s actually a deeper meaning to that, which is something that I discovered based on my journey, which is actually understanding how to relate through my own nervous system. And so what was going on for me through my journey was I didn’t know what at the time, but I was very dysregulated, I had a nervous system that was constantly in fight flight response, I was constantly active, I had the inability to sit still. And probably some of those that are listening right now who are entrepreneurs and run businesses might see some similarities in that where it’s kind of the next shiny thing, start something not completed. And that was kind of this episode that I was on. And so you know, without going well, we may go there, but you know, fully deep but you know, I grew up kind of in a bit of a unstable household, a lot of instability, I spent a little bit of time in a foster home, parents were doing the best that they could with the tools that they had at that time, but it was gaps. And so through the ages of 12 to 25, I was pretty addicted, you know, marijuana, drugs, alcohol, some of the heavy drugs as I turned 1819 20, and life was kind of spiraling out of control, nearly went to prison a couple times nearly lost my life. So there’s some significant events that was taking place. And most interesting, Carl was kind of never really everyone says, you get this slap in the face moment. And like you kind of hit rock bottom and you wake up for me it just I kept getting the slap in the face. I didn’t have the ability to wake up I could see my potential. But things weren’t changing, regardless of Vasa and counselors and therapists, it was just I wasn’t getting progress. And so I fell into real estate became successful in it because I grew up living in other people’s houses quite a bit. And so real estate was you’re in people’s lounge rooms, so I felt right at home. There’s like building new connections, you know, and so, naturally, I did good, but then I got burnt out because I just overworked and I had a people pleasing tendency, again, attachment theory, which we’ll probably discuss and so I was over committing over promising and eventually, you know, working seven days a week till all hours of the night and just got married. And then I thought, man, what am I doing? Like, I’ve got this money, but I’ve got no life, like, just always on the phone on the next deal on the next deal. So I kind of had a bit of a nervous breakdown, and was meant to buy into real estate firm. And I just pulled the pin and I just resigned. And I had no idea what I was actually going to do next went on some soul searching, and started a business consulting business or coaches. And I think the message here that I have is like my mess at the time was I was trying to have my mess become the message. But I was still in my mess. I was one of those coaches who was helping other people who still hadn’t helped himself. And it was showing through in my results, you know, my results were up and down. My moods were up and down. And I still had these tendencies. I’ve done a lot of neuro work. So a lot of neuro linguistic programming, so a lot of the head up. And what I discovered is you can’t think your way out of a feeling problem.
Carl Taylor 05:52
I love that it’s a somatic, right, the emotions are in the body. It’s not, you can use mental avoidance strategies to disconnect from the emotion but the emotion and the body still needs to be there. I love hearing that. I love that.
Fabien Pataud 06:05
Yeah, man, it was interesting, because I’d spent 10s of 1000s of dollars on different modalities, getting some relief, getting some breakthroughs, but then finding myself back in this perpetual pattern that I’d always been in. Albeit, the severity of the circumstances that I was in, as I matured and got older, it wasn’t as bad. But when I became a father, that’s when I actually got my slap in the face. Well,
Carl Taylor 06:26
let’s talk about that. Because you know, longtime listeners know that I’ve embarked on this new dad printer journey. So let’s talk about that the father job, let’s go then. Well,
Fabien Pataud 06:34
well, so yes, we’re pregnant, trying for 12 months. Finally, my wife was pregnant, Jackie, and I’m starting my new business at this point in coaching at the same time, and I’m thinking I was pretty successful in real estate, like, I’ll get this thing off the ground pretty quickly was my thinking. And then I was like, I’ll get it up, I’ll get it profitable, the baby will be here and you know, have some flexibility in life. Well, you know, when a little bit up and went down, and then you know, my newborn, I’m holding him in my arms. And I’m like, holy crap, like, how do I did all those all these energy building a business, but not how to be a great father. And then I was looking for a blueprint. And you know, we model what we grew up in all we reject what we grew up in, which ends up being suppression, which gets expressed in unhealthy ways. And so I was looking to my history of growing up and going shared, that blueprint is not a blueprint that I want to continue with, but I had no idea how to show up. And again, I still hadn’t done the internal work. So in and out of bed, slightly depressed. So you know, usually the wife or the woman gets the PTSD, right, in that event of giving birth, it was actually made this time, all of my upbringing coming to the surface of me having no idea how to heal it. And thankfully, we’re in the same community in Blackboard, I put a post in a business community that will both in saying I need help, I’m lost. I don’t know where I’m going my niche my this my that there was quite a few people that responded, one man in particular Nima, who became one of my coaches, he told me, he’s like, do your nervous system is literally constantly on and it’s probably been constantly on for years, which is impacting all of these things in your life, your addictions, your emotional insecurities, this instability that you’re experiencing, and how you’re relating to your child and your wife now, and so it opened up a whole new world of me going in to the trauma space, and I’m packing all of this stuff that had been stored since the age of almost birth, but to really from these memories that I could recollect that were still imprinted into impacting the way I showed up as, at that point, 3132 year old, a 33 year old man with a son. And so I noticed my father coming through me as I was parenting, and I didn’t want to show up in some of those ways. And it was just confusion and chaos. And so, you know, I think if I didn’t do that, I probably wouldn’t have a family. Now, I probably wouldn’t have had two more sons to be honest, if you know if it wasn’t for this work. And so I delve really deep into it and came out the other side, and it’s a constant, it’s a work in progress, I fell over a couple times thinking I’m cured. Now, this is it, I’ve got the formula. And now I’m gonna go serve others with this. And then I’d felt fallen back down a couple times. And I’d realize Holy crap, I’m trying to operate back up here in the head game. And it’s, you know, the game is won in the body, the nervous system. So now I’m at a point where I’ve become, you know, certified in particular modalities to actually help people calm their nervous system down, you know, integrate their shadow, look at their attachment styles, look at how the nervous system is operating so that they can actually live in alignment and function starts with me living in alignment first, which was the big aha moment for me, Carl, firstly,
Carl Taylor 09:36
I just want to honor you and say thank you for sharing that journey. And I can imagine that there are some men and women but men listening right now, who probably resonated a lot with what you said, I know I did that, you know, I can resonate with that. Before I became aware of the body side of things. I was very much stuck in my head all the time, a lot of anxiety. I think many odd Separate is the reason we pursue success, wealth, whatever it is, comes from trauma. Mine certainly does. And there’s a book I’m reading at the moment. And if you’ve read it, definitely recommend it to anyone listening. I don’t think I’ve mentioned on this podcast yet it’s called the myth of normal by Gabor. I don’t know his last name Marty, or how you pronounce it. Yeah, he’s big book. And he just unpacks. And there’s nothing necessarily that he shared. that’s brand new to me. But he just puts it all together in a really succinct argument that shows the power of what we’re about to talk about on this show. So if you’ve listened to what has been shared, and you’re going, that sounds like me, keep listening. Because we’re going to talk a little bit about what you do do with it. Obviously, you can go and hire Fabian and work with him, of course, but we want to give you some value in this in this show, too. So for someone listening, and they’re going, okay, you’ve mentioned this attachment theory, you’ve talked about trauma, what is you know, there’ll be some lessons on here, I know that, and there’ll be others with like, I have no idea what you’re talking about. So break it down for us. How would you introduce this to a brand new person?
Fabien Pataud 11:02
Sure. Well, yeah, well, Gabor Martinez work. Firstly, on that is amazing, I’ve got that book, but I’m just completing another amazing one, which is the Body Keeps the Score, you got that quite a deep book as well. But you know, it’s interesting, as entrepreneurs and humans in general, what I realize now, and I didn’t realize before is that the strategies that we have to navigate life are all designed around safety. You know, that’s usually how our brain has been designed as we’re not constructed for thriving or success, we’re actually designed for survival. And that’s because of the prehistoric years. And so there’s a reason why we do what we do. And for a lot of times, like yourself, Carl, and myself, it’s being in our head is safety. That’s what it means, because we’re not used to being in our body. And so, you know, attachment theory, nervous system regulation, polyvagal theory, which is some terms that we’ll probably talk to, are all things that are just occurring at our nervous system. And so very quickly, I’ll give you an example of kind of what it can look like from an attachment theory perspective. So the attachment theory is just the way in which we kind of relate to the world how we show up and there’s a few different ways that you may show up this secure attachment. So somebody who is very certain of themselves, they feel safe in their body. And usually you can see that in the reflection on how they breathe, you know, whether there’s, you know, good nice breaths or shallow breaths high breaths is one good example they’ve got secure relationships with their family you know, they feel safety there is you know, an anxious style as well so they tend to feel insecure in relationships, which was partly me I was I had an anxious and avoidant style of an attachment so
Carl Taylor 12:41
me too in my relationship I’m what they call fearful avoidant, which is anxious avoidant, apparently is really rare. But that’s interesting that both you and I had Yeah,
Fabien Pataud 12:49
yeah. What’s funny, though, is that with that style for me, I would have huge social anxiety real estate agent who goes and meets new people, but I’d have high levels of social anxiety, hate coming to parties with all my friends at the time, because I always had this voice in my head of like, what are people thinking about me? Or how am I feeling about myself and I had this trouble, I struggled being seen, that was my biggest issue. And so I would override this fear by throwing myself in all these situations, public situations, public speaking, but you know, it’d be burning inside like just, you know, crazy. And so the reason why this occurs is because as children, we’re wired for safety, as I mentioned earlier, and so, energetically, we need to be able to connect with our primary caregiver. And so whether that’s a mother or father, whoever’s looking after you when you were born. And the challenge is that if we’ve got a parent who is dysregulated, in themselves, ie they’re not sure of themselves, they’re, you know, they got anxiety, which you know, a lot of moms do when they give birth, you know, there’s a whole bunch of stuff that comes up for them, because I shared what came up for me when I was a father, well, what comes up for a mother when she gives birth, like, you know, there’s not many blueprints, there’s a lot of stuff, right. But there’s a lot of support around how to take care of the baby in the early days, but not so much as the children progress. And so if you’ve got somebody who’s dysregulated, primary caregiver, if they’re not attuned to themselves, then as a baby being held in the arms, where you don’t have the ability to communicate, yet we are communicating through our nervous systems. So we relate all of our relationships or relationships, we relate at a nervous system level. So Well, before we even communicate verbally, or actually, you know, this is why there’s sayings like, you know, you could cut the energy in the room with a knife. Nothing needs to be said. But it’s felt you can sense when somebody has some kind of bad energy or the you know, you’re walking down the street, and there’s just nothing has been said. But you sense that and the same thing is true for us as children, because we are trying to find safety and our caregiver. Now if our caregiver is holding us and they’re attending to us, but they’re not actually attending to themselves, ie they’re not aligned and they’re not in alignment with themselves, then they’re giving off an energy that’s slightly off, which is why it becomes a lot harder for a mother who’s dysregulated and who’s anxious as an example or or father to settle a baby down as an example that is having a reaction or a response. It’s feeling insecure, it’s feeling unsafe, it’s hungry. Whereas you know how sometimes the baby can get passed to somebody else. And then all of a sudden, that baby just kind of stops. In a lot of cases, that person the baby’s getting passed to is probably got a more regulated nervous system and the way that the baby is being held, and the connection that’s being felt they begin to feel safe, interesting, where they’re able to actually go through a process. So it’s very crazy. So the term here is called co regulation. Okay? So in attachment theory, the challenges are that when we have scenarios as you develop, and user grew up, as your two year old and a four year old, where you come home from school, or mom comes home from work, and she’s had a really, really bad day, and you’re playing with your truck, mom comes through the door, dad comes through the door, and you’re like, Hey, mom, or Hey, Dad, because you know, they’re the only person that matters to you in the world, and they’ve got a grumpy look on their face, or they’re a bit like, you know, they pick you up because they’re carrying some stuff through the day or through the week, then as children, we turn analyze everything and make meaning about everything that you know, we are the center of the world. So mom and dad’s response means that we’re not good enough. Yeah. And so we begin to attach worthiness, safety and security from that kind of example. So our last the attachment theory concept likely stems from you may have had great parents who took care of you, you got fed, took you to school, but they weren’t connected or secure within themselves. And so therefore, we begin to start to try to attach to relationships. And so if we don’t feel secure with our primary caregivers, that’s how then we begin to start relating to the world.
Carl Taylor 16:39
Yeah, like, I think it’s really important to, you know, it can be easy to hear this. And in some circles, we start delving this kind of everything, it’s all my childhood fault. And it’s, I love the belief that everyone’s doing their best, you know, I’m a father, you’re a father, like, we’re always trying to do our best with the knowledge that we have. And so if you’re listening to this going, like, oh, well, maybe I’ve screwed up my kids, maybe the way you showed up, did impact them, but you did the best with what you knew, and the knowledge you had at the time. And the best thing you can do is now learn some new things and model new things. And if you’re looking at your parents going, it’s all their fault. One of the things that I always come back to when you touched on it is, if someone does something, there is a reason like, I have this saying like all behavior is reasonable. Meaning there is a reason behind that behavior, right? There is a reason behind it. So all behavior, no matter how someone shows up how I show up as someone else, it is completely reasonable because of whatever the situation and childhood and everything that led to that moment, there is a reason behind it. So I think it’s important as we talk about this, you know, to make sure, it’s clear to you that this is not about pointing blame to yourself, not about pointing blame to your parents or others. And if you’re in a relationship, and you’re having a very common what’s known as the avoidant, and anxious dance, very hot and passionate in the beginning, and then can turn into a lot of conflict in relationship pointing the finger and going well, it’s all their fault. Because you’re both co contributing to all the challenges that you have in your relationship, you’re triggering each other. So I just wanted to kind of interject that I’m loving everything in the way you’re explaining this. So obviously, I know a few resources you can go to to find out what kind of attachment style you have. Is there anything you particularly like? or recommend? Or do you have your own resources that they can find out their attachment style?
Fabien Pataud 18:27
Yeah, I mean, there’s quite a few. If you just Google it, there’s quite a few different variations on Google. I don’t have one in particular, I mean, I’ve got a survey that my clients will do as they come on board just to get you know, help them kind of get clarity on what’s been going on how long it’s been happening for, but I don’t have any off the top of my head to be honest, there’s quite a,
Carl Taylor 18:45
there’s we’ll make sure there’s one in the show notes is one that I it’s run by I think I have the tab open somewhere. So I’m quickly trying to see if I can find it here. But it’s run by a professor who works at I think MIT or Harvard. And you can do it it’s free, you do his intensive thing. But the best thing is it saves your so it looks at your attachment style of you and your partner, you and your mother, you and your father, and you and a friend. Great and so it kind of allows you to see all the different like for me I have a secure attachment to my father, but I have an avoidant attachment to my mom. Right. And in general, I have an anxious attachment yet with my partner, I typically fall more into that anxious avoidant that fearful avoidant pattern. And so it’s just really interesting to and you can do this test, and then you can run it again and do it again. And it keeps track of it. So as you’re doing your work to work on healing your attachment, you can see by doing this test, how it’s potentially changing what of some of those relationships are starting to shift as you do that work. So I’ll make sure that link I can’t find it right now. But I’ll make sure the link is in the show notes. It’s great. So others can find that I
Fabien Pataud 19:47
just wanted to touch on as well that point that you said earlier about you know looking to your circumstances growing up and you know, whether you choose to be a victim or not the one of my challenges was I was in a victim state through the earlier years that you know because of my upbringing, the His behaviors were justified and is part of the healing journey as being able to restore integrity in a lot of the relationships of you know, family members and realizing that our parents or you know, whoever was taking care of you was actually doing the best that they could with the tools that they had. Now, some people listening who have had some severe cases of things that have occurred to them might be going well hang on, that’s not really I can’t forgive, it’s not actually about forgiveness, per se, it’s about acknowledgement of, you know, being able to reduce the tension that that holds into your life is a process of being able to get complete with the mom or dad or those significant people in your life, and really being able to relate and see the things that they had went through and the way in which they were showing up, because what you said earlier is like spot on, like, there’s a reason for people’s behaviors like this, something that continually drives our behaviors, whether it’s conscious or unconscious, there is purpose behind, there’s always an intention behind behavior. And so part of my healing journey was just getting complete now doesn’t mean that if you have a, you know, a real challenging relationship with a loved one, where there could be considered toxic as an example, there’s still a process of forgiveness in getting complete IE, you acknowledge that that’s what occurred, but then you set boundaries to no longer have that person in your life, but you love them from afar. Because the thing that I got challenged with was the suppression of these things, and how they got expressed in unhealthy ways. Like, I spent a lot of my life trying not to be like a certain person in my family. And because I was trying so hard not to be like them, I was completely forgetting to be who I am, which is me, yourself. Yeah. And so this whole identity crisis that was occurring, and you know, in entrepreneurship, I began to see this a lot. You know, I’ve done so many one to one consults now, probably over 1001, to one consults across different industries, predominantly men. And I begin to see patterns playing out the same patterns that I had, you know, question I always ask him, he’s like, do you see some similarities between you and you know, a parent? And they’re like, yeah, if they’ve got challenges in their life, and it’s like, how does that make you feel when you observe that they said, Well, I hate it, I’ve been trying my best to not be like that. And so there’s that kind of aha moments like, well, when we’re trying not to be like something, and we’re not able to actually fully express ourselves. I
Carl Taylor 22:11
think that’s a really important point. And again, it comes back to goodboys work, where he talks about attachment and authenticity, there is two things he basically says it all comes down to your attachment and authenticity, and that authenticity of being able to show up as you are, who you are, and then your childhood attachment things and how that interacts your relationships with the world. I think it’s such an important thing to look at. And I know with the work I’ve been doing with the dad printers, the men, they typically fall into what we would consider the nice guy, I don’t know if you’ve ever read, you know, no more Mr. Nice Guy, or nice guy syndrome, and nice guy syndrome. And the only reason I can connect to that is because I was that I’m a recovering nice guy. And, you know, that comes from putting others needs before yourself not being true to yourself not connecting, you know, and again, I haven’t done the research on this. But I would suspect that nearly every guy who identifies as a nice guy probably has an anxious attachment. That’s probably where it stems from very huge. Yeah, it’s so interesting stuff. So interesting and eye opening,
Fabien Pataud 23:11
we learned from a young age that it just wasn’t safe to be ourselves. Ultimately, that’s what it actually really boils down to, you know, like for men, in particular, for boys, it’s like, Hey, boys, don’t cry, ticular, you shouldn’t cry, or you should share. And so there’s a lot of parenting styles, and there’s no judgment to parents, I’m a parent too. And I have to correct myself and keep repairing constant other three sons under the age of six. So it’s like, you know, I come in, I’m like, I said this in a way that you know, is shaming or judging him, because judgment and shame can cause correct behavior pretty quickly, it’s an effective strategy to shift behavior. The problem is that that voice becomes their voice as they grow up, and then they start to lose touch of who they really are. And, you know, I lost this people pleasing tendency, because, you know, the more that they see that they do these behaviors where they put others needs before their own, you know, what are they now they’re a good boy, you’re a good boy, Carl, you know, well done. And so they start to get kids, those dopamine hits of, oh, if I just keep abandoning myself, or other people around here, do this. And it’s gonna make mum and dad or mum or dad feel good about themselves. Because again, the parenting strategy that’s being adopted there is really about the parent and how they feel, not about the child. It’s about the child’s behavior and how it’s making the parent feel. So it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You know, and it’s a hard one to unwind. Yeah.
Carl Taylor 24:31
And I like that you brought up about for boys and men in particular, you know, not only is there like, it’s not safe to be me, you know, boys don’t cry. They can also be down the other way of, you know, with the feminist movement and toxic masculinity of like, oh, you know, you can’t show anger. You can’t show aggression. You can’t show sexual desire. Like that’s too far away like, I truly want during the day printer, I truly think that we have a societal problem right now in the world of masculinity, which has created the These relationships that have lost polarity that have created these men who don’t know who they are. And again, I don’t know this probably similar to you, it’s because our message is our message, right? This is my stuff. So true, man. So I think there’s a number of people listening who would be resonating with this men and women. I think we’ve kind of unpacked some of the problem. Obviously, this is a big topic, we’re not going to cover the whole thing in this podcast, but let’s talk about it. Okay. I’ve gone and done my test. I’ve discovered I’m this I’m an avoidant. I’m an anxious, one of the thing I will touch on. It’s interesting is most literature out there, I found, it makes the assumption that the man is the avoidant, and the woman is the anxious yet, hearing what you are saying, my own experience, many of the men who are in the My dad printer program, they fall far more into the anxious side of it, they’re not completely they still have their share of avoidance at times. But they seem to fall more on that anxious side, which is so interesting, when all the literature makes the assumption that it’s the other way around. What do we do about it? What do we do? What do you take people through? Or where do we go from here? We now know this thing, but I’m not going to just accept it. What do I do about it?
Fabien Pataud 26:09
Yeah, yeah, well, great question. I mean, there’s so many different paths that you can take, you know, the first thing with anything, I think, is just awareness. Firstly, which, you know, you’re listening now and you’re discovering that hey, you know what, I’ve I get a bit anxious, I get a bit edgy, I get triggered pretty quickly. I’m very defensive, I’m whatever it is that you’re showing up, there’s those parts of you which you know, I call the shadow, this other side of you that has been getting suppressed for so long, which ends up getting expressed in ways where you have outbursts, or you hide or you run away, the first step is having awareness to the, you know, there’s a reaction taking place, like there’s some stuff that is surfacing for you at the moment, which is actually a gift. And so it’s acknowledging, firstly, you know, having the awareness, there’s some stuff coming up, and realizing that the strategy has been to kind of tuck it away and put it and only show people the version of you that you want to show to the world, that other version is going to keep rearing its head, and usually it rears its head the most in your most intimate relationships, because we come into the world, and we are able to put on our best selves for these podcasts, you know, business network, like I see this all the time guys saying, hey, you know, I’m able to give, I’m patient with my staff and all this. And then when I come home, there’s fireworks. And so grumpy dad, yeah. So you know, awareness. And then acceptance, there is a gift arising in the moment like this is simmering to the top for you. And it’ll keep simmering to the top for you to have a look at it, and to start finding ways to deal with it. And so again, that concept of whatever you resist persists. So you know, when you have awareness, and you’ve got acknowledgement that something is there, more often than not, when it comes to anxiety in particular, like when we acknowledge that we actually have some anxiety over whatever it is, it starts to have less of a stranglehold on us, just the simple awareness and acknowledgement of like, you know what, I’m actually really anxious right now starting to speech as an example, it’s a great strategy to say, you know, what guys have to say I’m feeling very tense. And you know, I’ve got a range, like the ability to express what you’ve got, initially, as you open up is a great tool to combat what’s coming up for you in the moment, then the probably the third simple one is finding a way to get back into your body. Because whenever we’re in our head constantly, whenever we’re triggered, whatever response we have, there’s actually a separation taking place in our body. So I kind of had this analogy of like, we’re all fighter jet pilots, or you fly you fly flying jet. And you know, there’s that eject button so you could shoot out, you know, if there’s going to be a crash. And so our body has this or automatically designed in the nervous system will do that, and it will flick you out of your seat, and you know, or kind of kick you over into the passenger seat and then the nervous system takes over. And then lastly, you have your response to certain situations. And so one of the fastest tools that I found is breathwork. And breath work has become pretty popular thing right now, there’s different forms of breath work. But you know, something as simple as, you know, this connection piece of bringing head back into body getting back into alignment, because when we have this response, we’re actually reverting back into a formative year of when we experience that particular event, or the series of events. So when we have your triggered response to your attachment response, you’re reverting back to a seven year old Carl, I’m reverting back to a 12 year old Fabian of their memory that’s stored in my nervous system. And so the fastest way is this concept called Join and lead which I teach. So you know, you’re the awareness, you got the acceptance of it. Last, this is what’s happening for me in this moment, and honoring that the truth of I’m feeling some feels and I’m fucking human, right? Like, I think a lot of us just don’t accept that. And then checking in with self and one of my strategies and what I teach my clients is putting your hand on your chest, and then taking a few deep breaths. And then as you come out on your breath, what’s really critical here that helps, you know, advanced breathwork is some vocal tension on the way out, so making your vocal cord vibrate. So big breath in and then
Carl Taylor 30:00
If I do it together,
Fabien Pataud 30:02
together, man Yeah. So real kind of creepy. You sound on the way out exerting fully. And then I repeat a couple words and my clients repeat these words, I’m safe. I’m loved. And it’s okay. I’m safe. I’m loved. And it’s okay. What I’m going through, like, what I’m going through right now is totally okay. I’m allowed to go through this experience here. Because we usually have a judgment program in the background saying, you know, like, How many times have you seen people start to cry? Sorry, Colin, like, I shouldn’t be crying. There’s this automatic negative connotation of I shouldn’t cry in front of you. Because how it’s going to make you feel shouldn’t have these outbursts, because how it’s going to make you feel right. Well,
Carl Taylor 30:46
it’s not even that I can share from my own experience. And this can be helpful for some like, because we’ve got these childhood things, but also my experiences, some of these attachment wounding can even happen later in life. And again, people who’ve been listening for a while, you know, some of my journey, they know, in 2019, I had a long term relationship crumble in a way that was extremely traumatic for me and triggered. And I believe now in hindsight, I think it was cracked, I think it opened and triggered a huge amount of new wounding and anxieties. And so for a long time, and I would say I’m still working through it a little bit in my relationship. And the idea of crying in front of my partner didn’t feel safe. Because the story in my mind is if she sees me crying, I am weak. And therefore, if I am weak, she will lose attraction. And she will leave, you know, crying and didn’t feel safe. And well, there are elements of that, like in the polarity world, you need to be mindful of attraction. You know, what my healing has been to realize that when you’re with the right partner, and you can still have that safety Yeah, of being able to cry. It’s not weakness, if that makes sense. But yeah, that’s a great shame. It’s one of those things, that one. Yeah. And again, this is the thing that not enough men talk about. Yeah, they don’t share this. So we often sit feeling like even you going, Oh, you resonate. That in itself is I know, I felt great for me, but maybe someone else listening, if you are resonating to when you realize I’m not alone. Like I’m not weird. I’m going through this, because other men go through it, we just don’t typically talk about it. So yeah,
Fabien Pataud 32:18
so true, man, what was the gift for you, you know, given what occurred for you in 2019? And, you know, as I said, Well, there’s always a work in progress. But, you know, if you build it, I know, there’ll be heaps in there. But what would you say is probably one of the biggest gifts from that event that took place for you? Well,
Carl Taylor 32:35
the dead printer program wouldn’t be existing. I wouldn’t now have a almost two year old daughter, you know, like, I’m with a completely new partner, have a child, you know, just so many things changed in that moment. And so while there was a lot of pain, it also it brought me on to that awareness. The relationship ended, just as I was starting this polarity journey. And but the polarity journey then kind of highlighted a lot of these masculine self worth woundings that I had, and then that led down the attachment pathway. So so much of the work that you’re doing, you know, I’m trying to help men in dad printer do so much of that comes from that pain. You know, that was the explosion that sent me on and far more spiritual path far more body and embodiment. Yeah. And this path of that. So yeah, I mean, there’s so much I just, I don’t know if you’ve done Byron Katie’s work.
Fabien Pataud 33:26
Are you familiar with? Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah. 100%.
Carl Taylor 33:29
That’s what got me through that. You know, like, that was the thing that helped me deal with a lot of the challenges, and I love Katie’s work. The one thing I think it misses is it gets you very cerebral. And you got to kind of take Katie’s work. And I know she teaches it this way. But I know how I took it initially. So I’ve done a previous episode about it, you guys can probably find it search for the work or go to the work.com. In principle, though, you inquire on your thoughts? And is it true? Who would I be without this thought? Like, there’s a whole series of questions. And that’s getting very cerebral. But if you do it the right way, which I didn’t in the beginning, you’re actually sitting more in your body in a meditation on that concept. You ask yourself the question, Who would I be, but then you get out of your head and you kind of actually connecting to the body and see what? Yeah, that’s how you actually do it. Well,
Fabien Pataud 34:16
100% She’s got some amazing stuff. And I think he hit the nail on the head there. Like it’s the ability to drop into the body. And again, coming back to the start of this podcast, like, we can’t think our way out of a feeling problem. Right. And so, I don’t know about you, but like, you know, sharing some of my business journey and those that are listening right now that are in business, like how much of your business is reflecting the way in which you show up in the world? Like, I know, for me, my business was this roller coaster, I’d have some cracking months and then there’d be no income some months have been like, you know, they’ll be like, I’ve got to quit. I’m going to close this thing down to a cargo at this new idea. It’s going to be amazing. I don’t know for you car but like you’ve built a pretty successful business. How much of your energy Nervous System Do you feel was showing up in your business that you probably weren’t aware of at the time, but now having done this work,
Carl Taylor 35:05
it’s interesting, I hadn’t really contemplated it’s a really good question like, and you’ve asked me on a time where at the day of recording the last 48 hours, my nervous system has been very triggered, because we had a security incident happened at automation, NT with a whole bunch of sites and things getting hacked, and we’ve dealt with it and but it was a very, I noticed my anxieties, my stress response, that I feel very at home, and I’m very good at it, I had an IT company, as well, I am really good, probably the best person I know, in the whole, and I know a lot of techie people. But when I get into that, whatever state I’m really good at it. But it is also not a healthy state to be in long term. So those moments of that have served the business because it’s meant that that energy creates and improves and really adds value to our clients. And then at the same time, I can see over the journey, what helped me build the success of automation agency to be able to work four hours a month, right? And people hear that out, you know, how do you have a multi seven figure business on four hours a month? Well, it’s because you have to actually put boundaries and step away. And I hadn’t thought about it until now this conversation, but possibly some of that’s my avoidance strategies to like, serving to go well, yeah, I don’t want to do those things. So therefore, I need someone else to do it. I’m avoiding the stuff I don’t want to do. There are times when I’ve avoided unhealthily where it just didn’t get done. And other times I’ve been able to go I don’t want to do that. Then channel that into a healthier, alright, how do I put technology or team members in place to do it? Because the clients need it, but I don’t want to do it. I never thought about it literally until this conversation, but I can see that there’s both that dance. Yeah,
Fabien Pataud 36:42
in there. That’s crazy. That’s so good man that, you know, you mentioned something, just then on your energy. And like, you know that you kind of It sounds as though that you’re a bit maybe similar to me, where it in very chaotic situations where there’s an event like a car accident, or massive drama unfolding somebody’s hurt themselves, like I’m in the zone, like there’s, I don’t get rattled with that stuff. I’m usually the one that would be the cool, calm. Yep. And what I discovered, and I think this is going to relate to a lot of people in business right now where either their business isn’t where they want it to be. I know Alex scharffen. You know him, he says that if you don’t have the business that you want is because you haven’t become the person yet who could run it. I love that saying by him, it’s so so true. But talking about all these theory, work and nervous system regulation, the reality is that what we are all doing is our nervous system is actually recreating the environment that it’s familiar with. And that’s usually the environment that we grew up in. So if there was chaos in your environment, instability and consistency, whatever, then, if you look at your business and your life, it’s likely that that keeps getting recreated until you start to do the work and clear and integrate and whatnot, because we’re automatically going back into familiarity. Because if you’ve never felt safe in your body, then we tend to create environments where we’re not always feeling safe, because it’s familiar, you know, yeah. And so it’s fascinating, you know, to get the results that you want requires us to go into another level to integrate one another mentors, you know, says that every level up brings the devil up. And so every time my business had expanded, you know, I’d got to a certain revenue monthly that I wasn’t familiar with, because of my association or my money story, I would self sabotage, you have a great apogee, I never forget, I had a great, amazing opportunity to work with a company in Brisbane, and I had an interview, the next day was kind of in and out of lockdown, I was still working through stuff. And I had a big night, the night before I drank way too much. And I missed the meeting. But they were waiting on the Zoom is the meeting estimating, I woke up like a two hours past with a few missed calls saying hey, clearly you don’t value this opportunity, or good. And I was like, Holy crap, like, you know, this would have opened up so many things. And it did eventually because I actually repaired which is something that I teach. And that’s something that I practice daily, which is, you know, when we make a mistake, whether it be parenting scenario, friendship thing, you know, restoring the integrity in that relationship. So there’s a rupture, we go into repair, and I just said, Hey, this is what I did. This is what was going on. For me, I totally understand if you guys don’t want to continue the conversation, I could have said my child was sick, or, you know, I could have made up a bullshit excuse
Carl Taylor 39:12
sort of made up something that you would have been out of integrity by doing that you exactly would have been creating more trauma.
Fabien Pataud 39:17
Exactly, exactly. And so they extended the invitation back out, they said, Hey, brave, very candid reply, you know, let’s revisit this. And so even when, you know, chaos can occur, you know, we can come out the other side.
Carl Taylor 39:30
I love that, you know, there’s two things that I think are really important to point out to people that as men, again, this is something that I think is far more important to men. I’m not a woman, so I can’t speak to it, but I don’t think it’s as important for women, my knowledge of women anyway. But as men, like our integrity is super, super important. And I’m guilty of that too. I was really good at being able to give a good explanation that maybe didn’t fully own my responsibility in something and when you start to you do it and you get away with it, but inside in aside, you know that you’re not being an integrity. And if you do that long enough, it’s gonna set you off, you’re not being authentic. So those little things, they’re eroding who you are as a man and how you see yourself, also eroding your relationship with your wife, your kids, your friends. Another thing I think, is really important, too, just to flag to that you touched on a pattern I’ve seen with entrepreneurs when they get to the level where, because a big thing is about how do you build a business that doesn’t rely on you, that’s a big part of what I’m about. And for many entrepreneurs to get to a certain level of success, revenue, whatever team size, they’re, it’s very easy, and they’re likely to create problems create chaos, because they’re craving the chaos of their early childhood environment. And so all of a sudden, when the business doesn’t need them, and that chaos isn’t there, they don’t feel comfortable in it, because that’s the chaos is what they know and what they like. And so that’s when you’ll go into your business, when you might have had some level of success and you go in your business. And I’ve done this plenty of times over the years to where you come up with some great new harebrained scheme that probably didn’t need to be put in there. Just so you felt needed. So it felt useful, you break things, you would create new challenges, I’m doing it more healthily with my dad printer program. Because automation MC doesn’t need me if I get too much in there, I’m going to break things that don’t need to be broken. So I’m putting my energy into dad printer, which is creating something new. But it still is a part of that. Like I’ve stepped from a business that needs four hours a month to now I’m building this whole thing from scratch again, with now I’ve got an assistant, me an assistant like it’s very different to a team of 60. Yeah, I’m back in that. And I’m like, oh, there’s bits of this I like and there’s bits of this I do not like so, yeah, yeah, it’s a pattern that we can make. And we do. But it’s a constant level of an a constant healing. And I talk about I believe that entrepreneurship is one of the best personal development programs you can do. And your intimate relationship with your wife, and love our partner, whatever you wanna call him is the second if not probably more important than the entrepreneurship one. But it all at the end of the day comes to healing, this attachment and authenticity, that’s really what it all comes down to relationship
Fabien Pataud 42:03
with self, man, you’re so spot on. And you’d probably would have seen this or maybe experienced that as well with, you know, businesses getting to a certain revenue level, and then, you know, still not getting the level of satisfaction that they thought they would, because they’re attempting to fill a void of not being seen or validated growing up. And so it’s like, well, the business is at 5 million. Now. Let’s get it to 20 million, you know, maybe that’ll do it. And then remember,
Carl Taylor 42:25
there was a friend of mine, and he was sharing with a group. And he’s like, I would do $2 million in profit, but I’m not happy. Like, I’ll be happy when we get to three. And after he’d had said this to a whole group, people when he comes in, sits down, I was like, Dude, what a load of crap. What does an extra $2 million a year in profit? That’s firstly, that’s huge. Most people dream of that kind of money. Like that’s even in revenue. They’d love that. What is an extra million dollars a year gonna give you that you don’t already have right now. Like, seriously, what an absolute load of crap. Yeah. But he was caught it. He was caught in the game of it like for him. He equated that that would make him happy. But he would get there and he wouldn’t be happy. Because that really wasn’t what he wanted. It was the thing he knew he could control. Yeah,
Fabien Pataud 43:05
correct. It’s so true. Like, you know, I had a chat with a guy who runs a pretty successful business a couple days ago. And we mapped out, you know, he was looking for some sales support, because that’s what I was doing in my consulting previously. And so I mapped out kind of what it would look like to get to a certain revenue figure. And I just said, but can I ask you a question? He’s like, Yeah, I said, Do you need to grow anymore? And then he’s like, actually, no, I don’t, I just need what’s happening at the moment to just get a little, you know, less friction, a little bit more flow. But you know, I’d be happy with what’s going on if it’s just more tighter. Right? Yeah. So because I said, you’re experiencing stress right now at this level with these things. And I said, the foundations right now aren’t deep enough. I said, if you propelled to that, it’s likely there’s a cliff, waiting for you. And so you reflect it after that. And he’s like, holy crap. Okay. Change of plans. Yeah, man, in
Carl Taylor 43:56
Oregon comes down to this pattern of what we’ve been talking about of our childhood behaviors, these attachments, our relationship with ourselves, and do it. It’s interesting, many entrepreneurs, when you ask them, What do you want, they’ll go, I want to get to $10 million a year. And it’s like, what’s the magic 10 million, and then people who want financial freedom, it’s 100,000 passive income, like there’s these magic numbers of 10 million revenue, 100,000 passive income, I don’t know why. It just is the numbers that people have in their heads. And usually, until you go, why do you actually want that? Like, do you really want to build a $10 million business? Here’s one thing I will say, if you’re listening on why I do, what part of my journey I was at a point where it’s like, that’s just crazy people, you know, why people needing that when you can get to what Fabian was pointing to where you kind of go, Okay, this is what I actually need right now. And you deal with all of that my experience has been, then at that point, you might actually go, Okay, I’m doing that for the challenge and the growth that I’m going to have to do that. It’s about who I’m going to become or about who I can serve or how I’m going to, it’s no longer about filling that void, it becomes more of a fulfillment piece or personal challenge. Show that you want to take on to take you to that next level. So I want to do it because I think that would be challenging or it’d be fun, as opposed to, I need to do it, I need that price, I need that money I need. It’s like, no, no, I need what I’ve got right now that I’m doing out of choice, bang
Fabien Pataud 45:16
on that I kind of teach that intention based wants, versus the knees. Because when we’re coming from a need, and you know, I’ve trained lots of salespeople. So if you need the sale, that’s going to come across in your energy, you’re no longer serving, it’s for self, versus if the idea of your intention of jumping into the call is that I really want to serve this person, I really want to get them a great outcome. And I know for that, if I just take care of that, and that’s my focus, what I need or want will be taken care of. And so you know, shifting from an intention based thinking process is just super powerful. That whole concept of you’ve probably heard this time and time again, it’s like, deciding what it is that you’re looking to create or want. And then if it’s, you know, this size business or this kind of relationship, and then it’s asking yourself the question like, What behaviors? Do I need to demonstrate today? What identity do I need to have today, in order to begin to fulfill that because you can’t, if you want to be a seven figure entrepreneur, it’s not like when I get there, all of them behave like that. It’s like we have to actually adopt those behaviors now. And then the question is that I usually have is, well, what’s getting in the way? What are the gaps right now, for me being able to show up in the way that I know and you know, my wife, she’s an engineer, Road Safety Engineer, she’s very organized spreadsheets. I’m the more visionary and darting off over here. So I’ll jump into one of her frames, which is what would Jackie do right now, when it comes to looking at my schedule or organizing something? And I’m like, What would she say she would, and I will just model her steps so that I can get you know, a very similar outcome, it won’t be as good as hers, but it’d be close to her outcome. So you know, boring, somebody else’s identity modeling. That is a great little hack.
Carl Taylor 46:55
That Alter Ego. Yeah. Todd Herman. Yeah,
Fabien Pataud 46:57
so good.
Carl Taylor 47:00
I love that. That’s really interesting hearing you share that. But like, it’s so much is an identity shift. One of the things that, you know, I talk about with dads is you need to start seeing yourself as the king of the kingdom. And it’s a journey to get there. It’s not an overnight, snap your fingers. Now you’re the king, like an element, you’re a king, if you’re a dad, and you got a family, you’re already a king, whether you’re acting like a king is a completely different story. But a king, a king owns not operates, you know, they own their business, they don’t operate their business, they lead their family and their partner, they don’t just passively follow and they protect, not risk. You know, so many entrepreneurs, though, we’ve got all our wealth, everything in one thing, the one business, and it’s like, if you die, or something goes on, there’s nothing left for the family. Like there’s a huge amount of risk there. Whereas a king is going to look at everything and go, Yeah, I’m doing these things. But so many men will go, I want to build this for me, at the risk of what they’re providing for their kingdom, their family, that’s sort of you know, it’s the shift of the identity though, like you’re king, but you might not be acting like it, we need to get there. Here’s what that looks like. Be the owner, not the of that be the leader, not the follower. Love. I love that. So man
Fabien Pataud 48:04
of the difference between an owner and an operator, very different mentality, right?
Carl Taylor 48:09
Completely. And we’re soon as you make that shift, you make different decisions in the business, you run the business differently, you look at the business differently, the moment you realize, you shift your identity in that business.
Fabien Pataud 48:19
Yeah, I love that. I can see that the work that you’re doing right now and the work that you’ve been doing previous and the work that I do, Carl is actually there’s a strong synergy there. It’s almost as if, because the methodology that I teach is called the reset method. And it’s really about resetting nervous system, reshaping identity and and reigniting passion and fulfillment. And it seems like what you’re doing as well is helping them, you know, recalibrate, but then also build their businesses by design, not default, right? So build a life around your business rather than business. So yeah, man, that’s epic, dude. Well, your
Carl Taylor 48:52
chat morons, once we finish our recording too. But I think this is a good place where we could wrap up, you know, like, I’ve really enjoyed, you’re sharing your experiences, your journey with us, and your lessons. And for me listening to you share your journey. It was a beautiful example of teaching through story. Because throughout your journey, you were sharing ways for people to resonate and your teaching, here’s what you can do, here’s what not to do. I think that’s a really powerful gift. And thanks for sharing that on this podcast. Just a reminder, for those listening. Fabien has his own podcast. And if you are listening to this, I’m making the assumption that you liked podcasts. So the functionally addicted podcast show be sure to check that out, and potentially subscribe if you like his stuff. We’ll also have a link in the show notes to his link tree which gives you access to like he’s got a group. He’s got a bunch of things. I’ll get him to tell you about it in a moment. And Facebook and Instagram are his best social platforms. So dude, final remarks. Tell us a bit about what they might find resources you’ve got.
Fabien Pataud 49:50
Cool, dude. Well, firstly, thank you. Yeah, this was great conversation. And I loved hearing a bit more about your journey as well because I think we’ve been paying close attention to each other’s profiles and I was Seeing the shift in what your focus has been. And so the fact that we’ve got a lot of similarities, and we’re able to, you know, chat about it today, and hopefully support others who are, you know, experiencing some of these challenges that we’ve talked about, this is just talking about authenticity, and all those kinds of things that I’ve been doing this work privately for a while. And I was just too afraid to bring it out into the world because of judgment because of things that are still holding me. And what’s been fascinating is now just thought, fuck it, I’m just posting it, I’m sharing it, even if there’s guilt and shame associated with my family and all these things that were holding me back. And so my intention here is to serve, and I want to make sure families don’t, families are able to reconnect, recalibrate, and change the generational cycle of trauma. And I sure as hell can’t do that, if I’m keeping quiet about it, just as you are, you know, getting your message out there. It’s like, and you know, the universe supports those who set an intention with it. And that’s kind of a See, that’s what’s happening for you. And that’s what’s happening for me, like heaps of people are reaching out now and saying, Hey, this is what’s going on for me. And so it’s just awesome that, you know, I can be here with you and share this on your platform as well, man, so I’m super appreciative, thank you keep
Carl Taylor 51:02
doing your work, if you hadn’t been posting that I wouldn’t have reached out to, Hey, we should get on the podcast to talk about this. And it’s important work. You know, one thing that I’ve really thought about a lot with my dad printer mentality, if you’re a coach, if you’re listening to this, if you’re a coach, who truly is trying to get message out there, the mindset of realizing that you will help more people through your marketing than you probably ever will, through your actual purchasing of your products, services, whatever, when that shift can really change how you put yourself out there, because you’re realizing that that is you serving the world. And just naturally, there’ll be those who want to pay for the deeper connection, the privilege, you know, so much of marketing is like, hold, pull it back, hold stuff back, it’s like no, just it’s a chance for you to
Fabien Pataud 51:42
sit out, you know, dish it out. That’s what I’m learning and discovering for myself. Now. I had that mentality beforehand of like reserving reserving and what if people copy and just the scarcity mindset, and I just thought, well, you know, if people copy great, more people get served. So long as I’ve got the right intention, you know, more lives get changed. And that’s the bigger mission here, you know, and it’s like, we’re not meant to do it by ourselves. Right? So yeah, so for those wanting to connect and learn a little bit more, as you said, you’ll drop a link tree. There with some details around I’ve got a group called the regulated community. So you know, overcoming self sabotage, anxiety, relationship triggers, and then, you know, I follow a methodology after my years of my own personal lessons, after all the work that I’ve done in the neuroscience space, NLP space, the coaching space, being able to formulate a methodology that helps people get back into alignment helps them get regulated. So it’s called the reset method, because I figured it’s, you know, when your phone’s glitchy What’s the thing that you do the phone, when the computer’s not working properly? What do we do we reset the damn thing, right? You know, so it’s just really about resetting the nervous system. And it’s a process that I take them through reshaping identity. So looking at how to integrate these thoughts, these feelings, the way we view ourselves, the way we talk to ourselves, and then helping people get back into alignment with, you know, the mission and their purpose. A lot of people that are just tired in their careers, or they’re frustrated in their relationships, you’ve lost that zest, that you know, you kind of just just feeling off centered, this whole system is designed to help you get back into alignment and, you know, get more energy, get more focus, get some more flow in your life, so that you can ultimately the holy grail of what I teach is, you know, getting back into, you know, self trust, self love. And what that looks like is, you know, authenticity and alignment, you know, knowing who you are being able to fully express yourself, heal past relationships, past traumas, so that you can show up and do great work in the world. You know, the thing that you are here to do, you know,
Carl Taylor 53:33
I love it. They’re super important work and been a great combo, just a reminder of if you’re listening, and you’re going well, where do I find the show notes, you’ll find them at rising dot show that’s rising dot show. And you get the show notes, transcripts, all the things you need more links to connect with Fabian, at there for this episode, and all the other episodes as well. If you are a longtime listener, or maybe this is your first time listening and you haven’t yet subscribed or left us a review. I would love nothing more than for people to know honestly what you think of the show. If you think it’s terrible. Give us a one star if you think it’s pretty good. Give us four or five stars. leave a comments great too. But even if you just hit the little stars in Apple or Spotify or wherever you are, and if you’re on YouTube watching this. Hey, so great to have you see us I can’t see you. But it’s great for you to join us. Be sure to hit the subscribe there so you get notified when new apps button
Fabien Pataud 54:28
will hit that button.
Carl Taylor 54:30
Until next time, keep up the journey. Thank you. You’ve been listening to entrepreneurs are rising. Thank you, dear listener for tuning in. I appreciate your time and look forward to connecting in future episodes if you would like show notes or any resources from today’s episode, you can find them at rising dot show rising dot show. You can find the show notes for this episode and all other episodes as well as links to socials and and will have the ability to reach out and connect with me make your suggestions for future episodes. Until next time, keep up the journey
Outro:
You’ve been listening to Entrepreneurs Rising. Thank you, dear listener for tuning in. I appreciate your time and look forward to connecting in future episodes if you would like show notes or any resources from today’s episode, you can find them at rising.show rising.show you can find the show notes for this episode and all other episodes as well as links to socials and or the ability to reach out and connect with me make your suggestions for future episodes. Until next time, keep up the journey.
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